The Old One? Link to heading

So it is quite simple, I do decide to start my blog once again.

How long does it take? I am not even aware of it before I write down this line. My cloud server hosting the blog, running on Cloudcone is expired, at last Dec. I am still poor, you know, as I used to be back then when I started writing my first blog post. I think I’ve deleted them all now; ha, a good distraction. So my blog is down for 2 months or more, and I stopped writing new passages and updating it actively since my last passage in Oct I believe. All these make this return a big deal for me.

Why? Link to heading

So, I come to ask myself, why I just stopped writing things here, in my own small universe inside vast Internet. Maybe I was just tired. That’s true, nobody read my passages, except random bots scanning the Internet for exploitation. Every time I open my nginx log, I get nothing really interesting, nothing valuable, instead of those common seen bot UA, like Google’s, some random AI’s.

And I did try to improve my English writing in last Oct, and I quited quickly, because of the that high pricing of Grammarly, a company powered by CommonLisp, if I don’t make it wrong. YES, after a few months, I still hate CommonLisp for wasting my time and effort.

No reading is not quite a big deal in fact, at least, I’ve accepted that at the very beginning: I write for myself. However, at some point of my life, I lost the passion to write for myself: I just can’t see why. I wrote bad passages, is writing one currently, and will write more in the future. I hate CommonLisp(sorry for Lisp lovers), but I hate myself more. Those words I’ve written just make me so sick – naive, too naive, and no actual useful things there.

So Why again? Link to heading

I don’t know why, but I do know what I have done these days. I decided to get out of my small world days before: I should look at people, learn what they like, know what they are doing right now, instead of focusing on my own things. What are my own things? For a very long time, I believe I am learning the real thing, the most beautiful thing inside this dirty world, such as Math, Computer, those things living in the textbook. You know, and I know now, I am totally wrong. I am just persuading myself, to proscratinate the important things. I should learn how to work with people, I should learn how to take care of my family, I should learn what people need, then I can get back the part I need. And, most importantly, I should try to understand what I need, not strange math notations, not bullshit abractions one over another in computer software. Though that is a vague goal, I have to figure out how to work for it.

I need good software, they bring me fun; Linus said just make some fun. He is right. I should make things fun for myself. Learning like a rebot without any good feedback and payback is bad, not fun at all. Learn thing just for learning things is not fun, at least at this stage of my life, I need more than that, my family conut on me for more than that. Be pragamatic, boy.

So some decision I made here:

  • Write more, remember things, share it with myself in the future.
  • Write more, be producive, pragamatic, writing not only for myself but also people around me too.
  • Do more, make some difference, at least make my own situation better.
  • Trade off, re-evaluate the value of things I have been doing, notice things ignored before.
  • Hard work, both in strategy and in action.

(This passage takes 40 – 60 mins of writing.)